Tag Archives: chaplain

Creepy Chaplains are Creepy

Honestly, the chaplain looked very similar to this…

I just had to throw this quick post up because yesterday, I met a friend for lunch and while we were out, we passed by a local hospital that had a weekly farmer’s market in their parking lot.  I’m assuming that it’s weekly because the signs said “Wednesday Farmer’s Market”.  So we stopped and bought some things and everything was fine.  Before we were going to leave, my friend had to go use the restroom inside the hospital so I sat down on a bench with our bags of produce to wait.  It wasn’t more than a minute before the hospital chaplain, wearing his chaplain ID, comes up to me and sits down uncomfortably close and puts his hand on my knee and says he’s the chaplain.  He starts asking me why I’m there today, am I visiting someone, am I depressed, etc.  Of course not, I’m not in the stupid hospital, I’m sitting in the middle of a farmer’s market with a bunch of bags of fruits and vegetables and breads.  This guy doesn’t move, he still has his hand on my knee and I push it off.  He starts asking if there’s anything he can do for me.  I was about to say he could carry my groceries if he’s really that bored but instead I said I was fine, thanks for asking and I don’t need his help.  He gets up, puts his hand on my shoulder and, no shit, rubs my back with his fingertips.

Seriously, do these idiots have nothing better to do with their time than accost people in the parking lot?  And even if wandering around trying to help is his job, can’t he keep his hands to himself?  I was about to punch this asshole when he finally walked away and tried the same thing on another person at the farmer’s market.  Another guy, I might add.  My friend finally came back and we left but it still gives me the heebie-jeebies.  Maybe that’s why the Catholic Church has so many problems, nobody taught them what “bad touch” means.

On an unrelated note, are all hospitals like this now?  We saw the x-ray machine at the entrance, that’s why I stayed outside in the hot sun instead of going inside, it would have been a royal pain in the ass to get bags of produce through their security measures, but when my friend came out, he told me that past the x-ray scanner, there’s another little table with some guy behind it who demands to know where you’re going and how long you’ll be there and you have to wear this stupid little wristband with your “permission” to go to the bathroom on it.  We’re talking a bathroom that is literally 10 feet from the door and he has to explain how long it’s going to take him to crap.  It isn’t like they checked his wristband on the way out to see if he took too long or anything, what’s the point of this nonsense?

Between the creepy chaplains and the invasive questions, it’s no wonder people don’t want to go to hospitals anymore.