Did you ever have someone who called you constantly, asked for advice, burdened you with every trouble they had, every problem they couldn’t get out of and when you told them what you thought they should do, they ignored you entirely? And then, of course they come back in a couple of weeks and say “you were right, I should have listened to you” and proceeds to whine about all the things that went wrong because they didn’t listen? Then the whole mess starts again?
That’s how it’s been for decades around here. He calls, he complains endlessly, I tell him what he ought to do, he does something entirely different, fails, then whines about how bad things turned out. Oh, he should listen to me next time! But he never does. Why? Because what I tell him requires effort. He’s lazy. He’s in his early 40s and has *NEVER* had a long-term job. Ever. He spent 20+ years of his life getting his master’s degree in history. He racked up massive student loans. He worked on his thesis for 15 of those years, making lame excuses for why he never gets it done. Now that he finally has and has officially graduated, he’s living in a fantasy world, expecting to get that great job right out of the gates in the worst economy since the Great Depression.
His parents coddled him all the way through, they never expected him to work, they never expected him to have a social life, I don’t think they gave a damn. So he found friends who similarly had no lives so he didn’t feel so bad. He had the proverbial “phantom girlfriend” that nobody ever met. No, she didn’t live in Canada, but it was pretty much the same story. Most of his friends moved on, got jobs, got married, had kids and most of those who did, he stopped talking to. I guess they made him feel uncomfortable. Now his closest circle of friends are the losers who still have no lives, and my wife and I. How did we get so lucky?
Granted, I will cut him some slack for the last couple of years, he spent them caring for his demented mother who, by the end, was completely delusional and paranoid didn’t know what was going on, but that doesn’t excuse decades of inactivity before, or a couple of years of inactivity since. Now he has a run down house that, frankly, ought to be condemned. He needs money to keep up the mortgage that his father took out so he could constantly take out his mother to dinner every night. He doesn’t want to work. It takes too much effort. He just wants money to magically come rolling in because he does something simple. His dream job is teaching at the college level, he wants to get tenure and then be able to slack off because he functionally cannot be fired. He’s said that for decades. Years ago, I told him to get his teaching credential so he could teach. It was too much trouble. He’s done some substitute teaching here and there, but without a credential, that’s all he could ever do. That doesn’t stop him from talking about it. Of course, he has no job, hasn’t for years, but he keeps talking about getting entry level jobs that pay hardly anything at all. He talks about getting a security guard job, probably the lowest of the low, but he refuses to get a guard card, without which he cannot work. His goal there, of course, is to sit in a guard shack all night and read. Simple work for simple people. He’s too lazy to do anything else, he just wants magical money to come flooding in. To be honest, I doubt he’s put in any applications anywhere and even if he did, he probably wouldn’t get hired. Who wants to hire someone for their first ever full-time job at 40?
Because he needs to pay the bills, he let a couple of friends move into the house with him. Another friend of mine has lived there for close to a decade. He’s now gotten married and last December they had a child, which was immediately taken away by CPS because his wife had no clue of any kind how to care for a child, or even had an interest in doing so. She’s too busy playing World of Warcraft. Their daughter spent the first six months of her life in foster care. They say they’ll get her back next month. Frankly I don’t think that’s a good idea.
The other person who he allowed to move in has been a constant emotional problem for years. She doesn’t care for anyone but herself. She’s extremely emotionally unstable, she causes problems wherever she goes, nobody wants her around. Heck, the last boyfriend she had went transgender to get away from her!
So he asks us, should he let her move in? She has nowhere else to go, she’s burned all of her bridges, her other choice is to sleep in her car or a shelter. We tell him no way in hell! She’s screwed him over constantly over the years, lying, cheating and blowing off every favor she’s ever been asked, simply because she doesn’t give a crap what happens to anyone else. Of course, she moved in. After a few months, he calls up and says he was wrong, he should have listened to us, she’s ruining everything. So we tell him to kick her out. It isn’t like she’s a renter with a lease contract or anything, she’s just taking a bed and has no legal right to be there. Give her 30 days and evict her, or failing that, call the cops to have her removed. But no… he won’t do that. It might offend her! So no go.
Of course, I predicted this, in detail, immediately after I hung up the phone with him after the initial discussion. I told my wife, after telling him not to let her move in, that he would. I predicted that he’d call us back some time in the future and regret his stupid decision, then would ignore everything we told him to do thereafter. I was entirely right, just as I’ve always been.
I’m at the point where I just don’t want to talk to him anymore. Every phone call is whining about how hard things are and how he wished he’d done what we told him to do. If you’re not going to take the advice, don’t ask for it in the first place and you’d damn well not complain about your own stupidity for ignoring it after the fact. You made your own bed, go lie in it. When you’ve grown up enough to actually listen to advice and take it, come on back.
Until then, I’m through.